i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
