I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
