So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
