and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
