My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize