u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
