Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
