i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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