I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
