you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
