Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
