You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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