She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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