We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
