he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
