why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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