I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
