sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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