i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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