u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
