She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
