How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
