I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
