ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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