i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize