Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
