mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize