Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
