i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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