It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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