Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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