Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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