I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
