dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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