So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
