I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
