well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
