i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
