Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
