yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize