Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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