Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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