in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
