hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
