Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
