My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
