hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
