as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
