It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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