Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
