just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
