So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
