I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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