I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
