My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize