Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
