guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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