I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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