Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
