why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
