Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
